I'm not sure why I even draw anymore.

I used to think I like doing this. But I'm not so sure anymore. It's just something to do. It distracts me. I'm not sure from what. But I know I need them, these...I won't even call them hobbies...distractions perhaps, to sustain me, to keep me hanging on. But it's not...consuming enough. I have to keep switching among these various escapisms. Because I lose interest quickly and easily. I've never liked the idea of permanence. I like for things to be stable, but not fixed, with the potential for change.

But you know...it's fucking tiring. I can't stand these periods where I get so sick of everything. Maybe it's a sign that I'm getting old.

But I want something more than this, something that lasts, I think.

I don't think drawing is it.